Proven Ways to Cope with Loneliness
I never really stopped to think about how debilitating the feeling of loneliness can become. I never stopped to think about how stigmatized it really is. I used to stop myself from telling my friends about how lonely I really felt. Not because of a lack of trust, but because I feared that feeling lonely would be perceived as a negative thing. I feared that I would be deemed needy. In the age of social media, I feel that many of us find ourselves dealing with this issue. We compare our lives to the ‘perfect’ lives of other influencers and friends on social media. What we forget, though, is that people only put their best selves out there for the world to see. People will rarely post about their hardships or how lonely they may feel. This in turn, reinforces the stigma around loneliness.
Loneliness, however, is a pressing issue. If it persists for long enough, it can begin to influence our physical and mental health. I for one, was surprised to find that even though loneliness is barely talked about, it affects approximately one in three people. This is according to Olivia Remes, a researcher at the University of Cambridge. I even found one statistic that said claiming loneliness shortens your lifespan as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I do not know how true this is, but the fact remains the same. Loneliness has grave effects, and not knowing how to deal with it can cause many issues. It can increase the risk of early death, heart disease, including anxiety and depression.
The first step in working towards finding a solution for your loneliness is to acknowledge and accept it. Sometimes, the more we deny feeling something, the more exacerbated and ever-present it becomes. So, use this as an opportunity to find out where this feeling is coming from. Do you feel lonely because you are isolating yourself? Is it because the relationships in your life are not fulfilling? There are a multitude of factors that can contribute to this feeling but understanding more about how we feel and why will allow us to cater our coping mechanisms so that they are best suited for us.
The second thing that may help is to stay off social media. Humans are social beings. When we isolate ourselves for too long, it begins to influence us. Social media can contribute to this. Why? Because often, we confuse the interaction we have over social media, for face-to-face interaction. We think that texting some friends on snapchat is just as effective as quality time spent with a person face-to-face. This could not be farther from the truth. Our social media friends do not equate to our actual friends, and the best way to feel connected with other human beings is through an in-person interaction with your loved ones. So, try reaching out to your friends and telling them you would like to grab a cup of coffee. Plan a casual hangout with a group of your friends. Chances are that the quality time will uplift your mood.
Another vital tip is to avoid comparing yourself to others on social media. We tend to turn to social media when we feel lonely but seeing other people’s posts can cause us to feel worse about ourselves. We compare how we are feeling to the way our friends look on their social media. We ask ourselves what is wrong with us when we see everyone else having a good time, whilst we are sitting at home. Remind yourself that everyone puts their best memories and greatest moments in their socials. Thus, it can be easy for us to think that their lives are perfect and without problems. So, staying off social media will aid in stopping the comparisons being made. Not everything that everyone posts is true.
The fourth tip is to embrace solitude. Being alone and feeling lonely are not the same thing. There are many people out there that enjoy their “me time,” and use it to their advantage. Maybe you can pick up a new skill. Maybe you can finally learn to play the guitar that has been sitting in your room for months. Learning to be alone can seem daunting at first, but it is a refreshing and exciting adventure to be on. Get curious to learn more about yourself. The more you embrace solitude, the less lonely you will begin to feel. This way, you are turning the negative impact of loneliness into something that is positive.
If this does not work, you can challenge yourself to something. The last time I felt lonely, I decided that I would start talking to as many people as I could. It did not matter whether it was the bus driver, or the barista at my favorite coffee shop. I was going to make small talk with as many people as I could. I met my best friend after I complimented her on her jacket one day. So, you never know. You do not know how many cool and interesting people you will meet by doing this. So, go out and meet as many people as you can. But remember to also share information about yourself. The more honest you are about how you feel, or view things, the more genuine connections you will make. This coupled with talking to anyone and everyone, will allow you to slowly come out of feeling this way.
Loneliness is awful and can make you feel so many things all at once. Regardless, no matter how severe it may be, there is a way to turn things around. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling lonely because it is just a feeling. What you can do is try different things to alleviate how you feel. It is a slow and laborious process at times, but it is important to be patient with yourself. If you are feeling lonely due to an underlying mental health condition, it may be helpful to speak to a mental health professional.
