Anger is an Emotion
Anger is an Emotion. We all know that. Yet, the emotion can sometimes feel blinding and cause us to feel like we must take vigorous action. It can often cause us to feel that things are out of control and that everything must go our way. Therefore, learning about what anger is, where it stems from, and how to manage is vital.
Emotions in general are just that: emotions. They are a regular part of our lives and can indicate to us how we truly feel. For instance, anger can indicate to you that your boundaries may have been crossed, or that there is a bigger problem that must be addressed.
One way to conceptualize anger is to think of it as an iceberg. Anger is almost always a secondary emotion. This means that sometimes, there are underlying feelings, thoughts, and worries that are hidden under the surface, just like an iceberg. Thoughts, feelings, and emotions that have been brewing for quite some time, causing them to be masked when we become angry. Conceptualizing anger as an iceberg or thinking about it as a protector of our hidden feelings is the first step to effectively managing this emotion. It can allow you to become curious and delve into self-reflection. Doing so may even improve your relationships with those around you.
But what causes some people to feel angrier than others? Some individuals are angered easily compared to others and feel this emotion more intensely. They may express it through screaming or shouting. Other people, however, can withdraw from others and become ill physically. It is important to realize that there is not a uniform way of expressing anger and that people feel it at varying intensities.
Regardless, there is some evidence to suggest that anger is biological. Additionally, society and culture also play a role. Some cultures and societies view anger as a negative emotion. Individuals are not taught to handle this emotion in a healthy manner which results in people seeming angrier than others with the way that they express the emotion. Finally, modeling could be another cause. As children, we depend on our parents to model behaviour. We learn to deal with our emotions and what is appropriate/inappropriate through modeling. If you lived in a destructive household where there was a lot of anger and shouting present, chances are you learnt to express anger in a similar way. This could be another reason some individuals are angrier than others and why individuals express their anger in the ways that they do.
Not all is lost, however, as there are many effective ways to keep your anger at bay and deal and channel it in a constructive manner.
The first method is through relaxation. I have always been a "hotheaded" person and have had trouble dealing with my emotions in a healthy way. However, meditation and learning how to deep breathe has come to my aid countless times. When we feel angry, we feel tense. We feel as if we are tightly wound up and that the situation is out of control. However, taking the time to take a few deep breaths and creating a relaxing environment around you, even if it is just for a few minutes, can prove to be beneficial. There is a plethora of guided mediations on YouTube and Spotify that you can use. All you need is a device and yourself. Moreover, articles and blog posts posted on the internet are another useful tool to utilize.
A second method involves problem solving. This is one of my favorite methods to turn to when I am overwhelmed. Sometimes, we feel anger because we are triggered by either our internal or external issues. Although not all issues are solvable and hold perfect solutions, it can help to create a plan. This plan will not focus on solving the problem but will provide you with insight on how to manage the issue at hand in an effective manner.
For instance, if I was angry because I felt hurt by the actions of a friend, I can plan on setting some time aside to understand why I am angry and what triggered these emotions. I can plan to reach out to my friend in order to communicate what bothered me in a mature manner. What I will not do, however, is worried about the result of that conversation. I will avoid worrying about whether my friend will apologize or react in the way that I want them to. Why? Because I can only control the way that I act, not others.
I will note that this is easier said than done and committing to dealing with anger in a constructive way may be arduous and frustrating at times. It can be helpful to remember that it is better to do something imperfectly than perfectly, and that practice really does make perfect.
The third method involves reframing your thoughts and restructuring them. Sometimes when we are angry, we tend to catastrophize the situation. We may tell ourselves that the situation is our "be all, end all" and that there is no way out. I can tell you for a fact that this is not true. The universe is not out to get you. Instead, try acknowledging your emotion and telling yourself that "yes, I am frustrated but I know this emotion will not last forever." Also, tell yourself that anger will not help fix the situation or change it.
Moreover, use logic to help deal with the emotion. Anger can quickly become irrational, so knowing when to identify this and giving yourself the same advice, you would give to a friend helps immensely.
Finally, you can change the environment you are in. If you are cooped up in your room, try leaving and going to talk to someone you know will make you feel better and provide perspective on the matter. One thing I always like to do, especially in the winter, is to sit outside. Getting the fresh air helps ad allows you to take a step back to analyze the situation.
Changing the way, we think about our emotions and getting curious about why we are angry can help alter the way we deal with this emotion. Although anger can become destructive at times, it is not a bad emotion. Emotions are effective tools to understand what is going on around us. They provide an avenue to bettering relationships with those around you. Employing these methods and any others you may find useful will only benefit you in the long run. If you do feel that your anger is out of control, it can be helpful to discuss this with a mental health professional and get the treatment you need.
